She Know's
by WritersRomanticizingDream
Summary: The Doctor during his century of solitude after losing Amy and Rory. Allows himself to dwell on the fact that he never had an answer for Rose, because he'd been saying it all along. He didn't think he had to say it because...She Know's.


How could his Rose have the worst timing in the universe. He'd been saying it to her since that first real adventure he'd taken her on after that incident in the department store. _"You're fantastic!" _Maybe it hadn't started out meaning that but he'd quickly realized it was true. But of course she'd finally decide to say it when she was trapped and he had failed her. He would always hate his TARDIS just a little for cutting his transmission short. Yet, at the same time he knew it wasn't his way to say it. Not like those apes, who spewed it to everyone at every given chance. He showed it, through his comments, his actions, hell even his mannerisms it bled from.

Even one regeneration later he still caught himself dreaming of her, even his 'wife' looked so much like her. Maybe not really in her appearance, but she was Blonde, spunky, and most of all not believing in him per say but his need to never be alone. She'd worried much like River had about him being all alone. Now a little shorter, broader, and with a weird fixation on accessory pieces he was forced to think. Amy, River, Rory all gone, he could put a time to River's death now. _The Library _Shuddering at how alone River must have felt as his past self didn't recognize her. That was another piece of guilt that he carried with him through his life. Letting his wife die alone. He looked around the TARDIS, with it's new console room, it made him think of his sixth regeneration with the metal console room from then too. It started to play a soft melancholy tune as he ran his hands over her panels. It was the same tune that had played when Bad Wolf had saved his life all those years ago at Satellite Five. Bad Wolf, Rose Tyler two sides of the same person, one a child of the TARDIS and the other a brilliantly, fantastic _human_ girl.

He continued to stroke the Tardis as he whispered words of loving endearments to her, his old girl. Once she was singing happier tunes again he left the control deck wandering through his spaceship's halls. He stopped at the Library and wandered through the shelves that held his home world in it. Little vials of sounds, and smells. It made him feel like he was back on Gallifrey. He wandered through till he got to the Hall of Memories and Time. His Old Girl never got rid of a room. She just moved them here where she could store them for their return. Even when like Rose, Donna, the Ponds and now River there wasn't a chance or a hope of that happening.

His century of solitude never directly helping the human race, or anyone for that matter, sure he would pop in for a moment, visit Strax, Vastra, and Jenny. He'd set his home point on a cloud over Victorian London. Here he could watch over his friends as well as hide from the world and from himself. Through the years though he'd learned about himself and his masks that he hid behind. He'd come to term with most of the guilt he carried where it concerned his companions who'd been lost to him. He no longer feared their ghosts because he realized that they wouldn't have regretted it, he'd regretted losing them too soon. So he would go in every once in a while and sit in a chair, try a martini from Jack's room. Fiddle with making another K-9 in Leela's room or read through Romana's diaries about their adventures. The doctor missed her greatly as she was one of his species as well as his bestest of friends. He'd learned to rejoice in his memories and enjoy his time with the friends, and companions that he'd had over the years. He even slept in the Pond's Bunk beds once in a while or laughed at the silly things Donna and Martha had taken to bringing back on board after an adventure.

Bust Rose, his sweet Rose, she kept popping into his mind, thoughts, dreams, and even his adventures. _"One last day with your beloved, which day would you choose?"_ He hadn't had an answer for Kazran so he'd shaken his head. He didn't have a last day, he had all the days with his beloved. _"You must believe in something; who do Time Lords pray to?"_ He hadn't prayed to anyone of believed in anything in a long time, sure he believe in his companions but that wasn't the same as believing in Rose. She'd defended his opinion, argued when he was wrong and made him see the beauty of living. Two different people with no knowledge of Rose at all and yet that's all their comments made him think of. He stopped at the door of her room, the dust on the door handle proof that he hadn't come to terms with her ghost yet, and probably never would. He'd let her down. Not once but twice he'd placed her on that stupid bay in Norway. The second time after saving everyone's life from the Daleks he'd let her go.

She'd begged him to let her stay with him but he had given her a clone of himself, the metacrisis. Still she'd asked how that sentence all those years ago was supposed to end. He hadn't had an answer for her. Because he didn't know, there had been so many thing's he'd wanted to end that sentence with. _"Rose Tyler.."_ Sighing he turned away from the dust covered door, she'd left him for his clone. _"Does it need saying,"_ he hadn't been blowing her off he was serious. She was always so observant in every instant of their adventures yet she hadn't read between the lines in his comment, because his clone had opted for the easy answer.

He'd come back one day when he had the answer and he'd tell her. He continued walking through his TARDIS. Maybe one day he'd have the rest of that sentence, maybe one day he'd be able to say it. Maybe when he was ready to fade for good. Because when it came down to it he knew her. If he was forced at that moment in time to give an answer it would always be.

"She Know's"


End file.
